A Hot Chick, a Bounty Huntress, a Redneck Sarge and Snake
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Very zippy one shot featuring Snake, Samus, EVA and Mr. Game and Watch.


**A Lazy Hot Chick, a Clueless Bounty Huntress, and a Paranoid PTSD Snake**

 **I don't own Super Smash Bros or Metal Gear. All are the respective properties of Nintendo and Konami.**

 **PS: Please don't sue me**

It was a cold, snowy night in stately Smash Manor. Everyone else was out brawling, horsing around, getting inebriated at the tavern or just lazing around and doing nothing. Which is precisely what a certain threesome were doing in the relaxation lounge. Let's drop in, shall we?

"…mmm, yeah, right there… oh Boss that feels so good…" EVA mumbled in her sleep before snoring again as she drooled on the recliner while Samus Aran, her current girlfriend I might add, kept watch over her because little miss EVA has a reputation for wetting the bed at night, sleepwalking around the mansion for no reason whatsoever, unusually bizarre cravings which is because she is six weeks pregnant with Samus and hers' first child, oh and she also grinds her teeth no less. All Samus could do for her benevolently betrothed bride-to-be was to run her fingers through EVA's light blonde hair and listen to her body breathe in and out as she slept. EVA fluttered her eyes for a few good seconds, mumbled incoherently then flopped over to the other side of the couch and resumed her nap, which to be quite honest, was going to be very, very long because after a most exuberant match between Jigglypuff, Peach and Luigi, EVA was so traumatized and so erratic that her ex-boyfriend, one Solid Snake, had to whack her up with over 3,000,0000 CCs of Mk22 tranquilizer darts which are made from a rare and extremely hard to find plant in rural Caldeum. The anesthetic serum in the dart magazine, to be precise, is so strong and so heavily-prolonged, it can bring down an enormous rampaging Rayquaza or Gyrados in one precise shot. But enough of my narrative mumbo jumbo, let's focus on our lovebirds shall we?

"Mama mia, Samus-a! When-a are you-a ever gonna clean up-a EVA's drool-a? It's-a slobbering all over my new carpet-a!" Mario griped, his incessant OCD neatness kicking in. "Don't get yourself into a frenzy, boss man. I'll clean it up once sleepyhead here wakes up" Samus responded, Mario nodding as he lightly jumped out. Samus then glanced at EVA and giggled a bit when she saw EVA with her thumb in her mouth, sucking on it while she slept as if she was a young child again. All at once EVA ceased the drooling and resumed her soft snoring, which was brought down a quieter volume, to say the least. Just as Samus too was about to enter the ever so happy land of Nod and join her lover in endless sweet slumber, a loud yell rang out, startling Samus which made her fall over backwards. EVA, however, didn't hear a thing, because, well, she's still out like a light. C'mon readers, pay attention. I can't have you not focusing on the story with your eyes on something else. You have to be alert, constant vigilance, composed and attentive! Ya see, now that's much better

"Oh god! I'm freaking out! I'm totally freaking out! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Snake screamed at the top of his lungs as he ran around in circles, drawing the attention of *every* Smasher in the manor

"Hot Sonny Bono and hold the mayo please, but what in Sarsaparilla Hill is goin' on here? Has Snake been drinking my grenadine again? Lazy, gutless bastard" Mr. Game and Watch asked roughly in his very thick Southern accent, impersonating a character from a very well-known and extremely popular web original series. **All readers who guess the answer will get internet chocolate chunk cookies!**

"Oh, same old, same old, Sarge. Snake's having his little PTSD moment again where he runs in circles screamin' like a woman" Samus flatly answered, Mr. Game and Watch rolling his eyes just as EVA finally woke up from her nap to see her ex-lover on top of a cliff bellowing loudly. Just then, shots rang out, more like three shots, as Snake dodged sniper rounds from a combination of EVA, Samus and Mr. Game and Watch. 

"That was close enough!" Mr. Game and Watch shouted. "Thank you sir" Samus replied as Snake yelped, dodging a pot shot from EVA, who was now dressed in pink or lightish red armor, Samus was in maroon armor, and Mr. Game and Watch was in his standard red armor

"EVA, you're goin' outta turn" Mr. G&W scolded roughly. "I thought I went after Samus!" EVA argued. "No, no, we go in line. It goes you then me, then Samus, then back down to me, then you, then me, then me, then Samus, then me, then me, then Samus, me, Samus, you, Samus, me, me, Samus, you, me. And me again. It makes perfect sense" Mr. Game and Watch explained

"But, uh, doesn't that mean you go as twice as much? Or ten times as much?" Samus asked, as Mr. Game and Watch fired a round at Snake. Snake yelped in pain as Mr. Game and Watch grinned in amusement. "This is the best game since Snakeball!" Mr. Game and Watch cheered. For those of you who don't know what Snakeball is, it's very simple, really. It's dodgeball… with sniper rifles. You shoot at Snake with a sniper rifle, and he dodges every shot. The object of the game, naturally, is to hit him with as many rounds as you'd like, which is probably fair since Mr. Game and Watch favors Samus over the lazy, insubordinate, and extremely ugly to boot Snake.

"I am NOT coming down!" Snake hollered in pain. "Hey Snake!" Mr. Game and Watch called out. "Try movin' back and forth like one of them ducks at the carnival" Snake immediately ducked. "Naw, man, don't duck, 'cuz that makes ya harder ta hit! Ah meant act like a duck!" Mr. Game and Watch corrected, Snake cowering behind a rock. "Hey, wait a minute, that was MY turn" Samus interjected. "This here's the lightning round" Mr. Game and Watch explained, Samus rolling her eyes. "Who's in the lightning round?" Samus asked. "Me" Mr. Game and Watch answered quickly, firing another pot shot

"Alright, screw this, I'm comin' down" Snake murmured, just as a bullet grazed his leg. "Hey! I *said* I'm coming down!" Snake hollered. "Hahaha thunder baiter! Take that you stupid duck!" Mr. G&W cheered


End file.
